|
|
Viewing - out of Lyrics.
| Page:
|
|
|
4 |
|
We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat.
( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).
Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here
with us.
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte
aaj.
Tusi start karo ji.
AB : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000
Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are
:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question
AB : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can t! ake your time
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to
use my lifeline.
AB : I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll
AB : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time
starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%
AB : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience
ne.
I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
AB : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK
computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj
isko.
Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
AB : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of
using
all the lifelines in the very first question.
This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
AB : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye.
Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'
AB : Hello Banta ji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke
Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein....
#_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.
AB : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan
bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga,
khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.
AB : Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case
karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta : Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud
wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez
pehen
gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.
AB: Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska
answer
mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer
Punjab hai
lallu.
Santa : oye par ......... (and the clock stops).
AB : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka
confidence
hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh
to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died
laughing...
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
********************
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
********************
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
********************
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
********************
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
********************
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
********************
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
********************
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
********************
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
********************
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!
********************
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
********************
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
********************
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders
******************** __________________
A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a
beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring
priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he
said.
At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that
everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the
bank Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man.
"You lied there's no money in that account."
"I know, but can you imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had????"
............. ;-)  Paagal Ladkiyaan
In some remote village of India , one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
He is at the krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him.
He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak.
Third one is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him,
Then
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ??
Masterji fainted...???
 Chor ek ghar mein chori karne gaya,
tijori par likha tha "TIJORI KO TODNE
KI JARURT NAHI,
452 Number LAGAO AUR
SAAMNE WALA LAAL BUTTON DABAAO,
TIJORI KHUL JAYEGI."
Jaise hi button dabaya,
alarm baja
aur police aayi...
Jaate waqt chor seth se bola "AAJ MERA INSANIYAT PAR SE VISHWAS UTH GAYA 
'Kyon chalti hai pawan'
because of evaporation.
'Kyon jhoome hai gagan'
because of Earth's revolution.
'Kyon machalta hai mann'
because of excessive respiration.
'naa tum jaano naa hum'
But i have given all the reasons.
'kyon aati hai bahaar'
because of change in seasons.
'kyon lutta hai karar''
because of mental tension.
'naa tum jaano naa hum'
Like i have said these are all science phenomenon.
'Kyon gum hai har disha'
because you have poor sense of direction.
'Kyon hota hai nasha'
because of drug addiction.
American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai. Laloo: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.
Baba Ji ka dera bohot chamatkari hai. Sach mano vaha jo bhi koi buri niyat se jata hai, jalke bhasam ho jata hai. Salman vaha gaya to bhasam ho gaya, Hrithik bhi bhasam ho gaya.
Malika vaha gayi to… ….to anarth ho gaya…. Babaji jalke bhasam ho gaye!!!
| Page:
|
|
|
4 |
|
|
