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Read and enjoy ....

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

********

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

 Ants Problem:
Keep the skin of cucumbers near the place or ant hole.

 

To get pure and clean ice:Boil water first before freezing.

 

To make the mirror shine:Clean with spirit


 

To remove chewing gum from clothes:Keep the cloth in the freezer for an hour.


 

To whiten white clothesSoak white clothes in hot water with a slice of lemon for 10 minutes 10.


 

To give a shine to hair:Add one teaspoon of vinegar to hair, then wash hair.


 

To get maximum juice out of lemons:Soak lemons in hot water for one hour, and then juice them.


 

To avoid smell of cabbage while cooking:Keep a piece of bread on the cabbage in the vessel while cooking.



 

To rid the smell of fish from your hands:Wash your hands with a little apple vinegar.

 

To avoid tears while cutting onions:Chew gum.


 

To boil potatoes quickly:Skin one potato from one side only before boiling.


 

To boil eggs quickly:Add salt to the water and boil.



 

To check freshness of fish:Put it in a bowl of cold water. If the fish floats, it's fresh.



 

To check freshness of eggs:Put the egg in water. If it becomes horizontal, it's fresh. If it becomes slanting, its 3-4 days old. If it becomes vertical, its 10 days old. If it floats, it's stale.



 

To remove ink from clothes:Put toothpaste on the ink spots generously and let it dry completely, then wash.



 

To skin sweet potatoes quickly:Soak in cold water immediately after boiling.



 

To get rid of mice or rats:Sprinkle black pepper in places where you find mice or rats. They will run away.

IF TITANIC WAS MADE IN INDIA....







1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship


2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain!


3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"


4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die in the first dip.


5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson.


6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.


************

The problems with  GUYS :
 
 
 


If u
TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u
Don't , he says u are PROUD .

If u
DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u
Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .

If u
ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;

If u keep
QUIET , he says u have no B RAINS .

If u are
SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE ;

If he's
Smarter than u, he is GREAT .

If u don't
L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u
Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't
make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u
do !! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your
PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME ;

If u
don't , he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u
SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he
SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u
BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED ;

If he
BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u
SMOKE , u are BAD girl;

If he
S MOKES , he is GENTLEMAN .

If u do
WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;

If he does
WELL , it's BRAINS .

If u
HURT him, u are CRUEL ;

If he
HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE !!

&
sooo hard to please !!!!!

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,



walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,



"I would like to buy some cyanide."










The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"










The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband. "










The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,



"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!












They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.



Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"






The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.










The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,



"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a preion."

Roles in Heaven:


Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assurance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Raavan
Internet Explorer www

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup

Hanuman
Linux/s390

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches

HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to
raise the efficiency of our firm.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
_________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___
1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1
employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to
pay your salary.

6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have
4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for
next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months
salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

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