Four-year-old Sam loved candy almost as much as his mom Sally did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Sam was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Sally said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

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Two small boys were overheard talking one day.

"My name is Jimmy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Johnnie," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.

Johnnie replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Jimmy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Johnnie.

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Banta wanted to get his beautiful wife, Preeto, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.

He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Preeto was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Preeto went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was Banta on the other end.

"Hi Preeto," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Preeto replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!

"What's that, sweetie?" asked Banta.

"How did you know I was at Sukhna Lake?"

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A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering.
The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor."
The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alternator."
The computer engineer brightened up and said, "I know, let`s stop the car, all get out of the car and get back in again!"

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Nancy announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

"Great," Rita exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."

"Wonderful," Nancy replied. "I'll go with you."

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Two men are escaping from a Mental Hospital late one moonless night. They get to the roof of the hospital and all they have to do is jump a pretty good distance across to the next building and they are home free. The first man, a psychotic and afraid of nothing, is willing jump. The second man, however, is afraid of the dark, and is seriously considering returning to the hospital to deal with the issue. The first man volunteers to jump across with the flashlight they have brought with them, and then shine the light back across to the second man.
"You can walk across on the beam of light and we will be away."
"You must be crazy," replies the second man, "you ll turn the flashlight off when I m halfway across, and I`ll fall!"

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After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam.”

Professor, “Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

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A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90,100...
Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

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