Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

Little Johnny: No, I'm Johnny Anderson.

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about Little Johnny.

Little Johnny's Father: What's that?

Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

After the church service Little Johnny told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

Little Johnny had been to a birthday party at a friends house.

Knowing his sweet tooth Little Johnny's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No," replied Little Johnny. "I only asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces of her own accord."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Teacher: "Where were you born?"

Little Johnny: "New Jersey, Sir."

Teacher: "Which part?"

Little Johnny: "All of me"

Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?

Little Johnny: Seven.

Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?

Little Johnny: Nine.

Teacher: That's impossible.

Little Johnny: No, it isn't, teacher. Today is my birthday. I'm eight today!

Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors.

His mother suggested to his father that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

"Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior?" he said, surprised.

"Well, no," she admitted, "But it'll spread it over a wider area."

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a Little Johnny and a group of his friends, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy, Little Johnny, gave a deep sigh and said,"All right, give him the dog."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."