During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents Little Johnny cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that he headed toward the door.
His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
A man comes home with his son, whom he has just taken to work. The little boy (LJ) asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll."
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hardworking girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system, and is very efficient."
"Oh. I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch." little johny said.
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by Little Johnny, who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, Little Johnny continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into Little Johnny's ear.
Instantly, Little Johnny calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
Little Johnny refused to eat. So his mother, in desperation, took him to the psychiatrist, who tried many methods, to no avail. The doc asked "What would you like to eat?"
"Worms" Little Johnny said. The doc was gleeful as he sent his nurse for cupfull. Placing them on a plate, the doc said "Here they are."
"I want them fried" was the response.
The nurse took them and had them fried.
When presented with them, Little Johnny replied that he only desired one.
The doc took one and in a strong voice said "Here is only one. Now eat it."
"I only want half and you eat the other" was the reply.
The doc swallowed one half and gave the other to Little Johnny.
The boy began to cry. The doc asked what was now wrong.
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, Little Johnny waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, Little Johnny is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. Little Johnny greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."
Little Johnny needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks and nothing turned up. So he decided to write to God requesting the money.
When the postal worker seen the letter he decided to send it to the president. The president was so impressed that he told his secretary to send the boy a check for $5. He thought that would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Little Johnny was delighted with the five dollars and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read as follows:
Dear God, thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed you had send it through Washington. As usual, those losers deducted $95.
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
Little Johnny says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon.and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
