The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.

"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.

"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.

"That's because he's inside your cat!"

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One dollar." answered little Johnny

"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

"Johnny, did your Mother help you with your homework last night?" the teacher asked.

"No, she did it all," Little Johnny replied.

"I really worry that I shall never meet you in heaven Little Johnny," the teacher said.

"Oh, how come ?" Johnny replied, "What sin have you committed?"

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.

Little Johnny and his mom were visiting the grave of the his grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, Llittle Johnny asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Little Johnny's exasperated mother finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?"

Little Johnny thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For heaven's sake, Johnny, come in or stay out.'"

A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 year old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to see she is doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that left her in the dirt.

She looks up and sees the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"

Little Johnny piped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other car's."