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Q: What does an egg say after it's put in a bowl of boiling water? A: How do you expect me to get hard when I've just been laid?... Read More

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. The Flower Shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, ''RIP'', and sent the card to the funeral home that said, ''I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it.''... Read More

What is the height of laziness? Adoption.

Always take the time to smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek... nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest just before dawn...so if you're going to steal the neighbors' newspaper, that's the time to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and fewer still to igno... Read More

when the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be boss. the brain said, '' i should be boss because i control the whole body's responses and functions.'' the feet said, '' we should be boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.'' the hands said, '' we should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.'' and so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the a****** spoke up. all the parts laughed at the idea of... Read More

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