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1.I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on. 3. Aren't you the guy from the village people? 4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me. 5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop. 6. Bad cop! No donut! 7. You're going to check the trunk, aren't you? 8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school. 9. I pay your salary. 10. That's terrific, the last guy o... Read More

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one question to get into heaven. The first nun is asked who the first man on earth was. She replies, ''Oh that's easy, Adam!'' Lights flash and the pearly gates open. The second nun is asked ''Who was the first woman on earth?'' she says, ‘‘that's easy, Eve!'' Lights flash and the gates open. The Third nun is asked, ‘‘what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?'' The nun is puzzled and can't figure it out, so she says, ‘‘that's a hard... Read More

Can I borrow your face for a few days? My #### is on vacation.

1.Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2.Only in America...are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink. 3.Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4.Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke. 5.Only in America...do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain... Read More

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, ''Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?'' The kid said, ''Yeah.'' The cop said, ‘‘well next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike.'' The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, ''By the way, that's a nice horse you got ther... Read More

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