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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: ''If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.'' In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself): If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:... Read More

''Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read.'' -- Computer Museum (Boston) ''Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw.'' -- Computer Museum (Boston) ''If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about ... five minutes.'' -- Anon. ''Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHI... Read More

''99 Bottles of Beer'' song gets stuck in an infinite loop At the stroke of midnight on 12/31/1999, Windows 99* turns back into DOS 1.0; the Pentium* V turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a beautiful glass mouse. Internet Movie Database now lists ''1901: A Space Odyssey''. Bob Dole's age erroneously listed with only two digits. Sales of Coca-Cola jump drastically after original cocaine-laden formula becomes legal again. Software engineers point out that si... Read More

'Taws the night before Y2K, And all through the nation We awaited The Bug, The Millennium sensation. The chips were replaced In computers with care, In hopes that old' Buggy Wouldn't stop there. While some folks could think They were snug in their beds Others had visions Of dread in their heads. And Ma with her PC, And I with my Mac Had just logged on the Net And kicked back with a snack. When over the server, There arose such a clatter I called Mister Gates To see what wa... Read More

My brain is like a computer, the older I get the less available memory I have.

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