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If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable......
******
Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2
Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 AA sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar Maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..
*******
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male ,didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
*******
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
Wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "sh*t."
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One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney
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One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan
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One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on Accelerator. .. - Boston
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Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York
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Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy
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One hand on horn,
One hand on holding gear,
One ear listening to loud music,
One ear on cell phone,
One foot on accelerator,
One foot on clutch,
Nothing on break,
Eyes on females in next car ,"THIS IS INDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA"
*******
Types of Girls ( Computer Humor )
CD-ROM GIRLS
She is always faster and faster.
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EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
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HARD DISK GIRLS
She remembers everything, FOREVER
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INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access
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MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful
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SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
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RAM GIRLS
She forget about you, the moment turn her off
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WINDOW GIRLS
Everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
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VIRUS GIRLS
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything.. .
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SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need her.
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Promise Yourself-
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To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
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To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
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To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
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To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
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To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
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To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own .
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To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
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To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
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To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
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To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
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By Christian D. Larson in 1912 ,
Adopted by Optimist International in 1922
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An Indian guy named "Anantharaman Subbaraman " arrived at the New York airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hours for the authorities to call his name.
He got fed up and went to them and asked why they haven't called his name yet.
They said that they have been calling him for the last 2 hours as
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"Anotherman Superman"
Wacky Greeting Cards For Unloved Ones!
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
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