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What do you call a prostitute with her hands under her skirt? Self-employed.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.

Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree? A: wave at him.

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he? MAN: He's at home. CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry; I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy. The next day, the man returns. MAN: I'd like to buy this. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he? MAN: He's at home! CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat. The next day the man returns. CHEC... Read More

A woman offered a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten dollars. A man answered the ad, but he was slightly disbelieving. ''What's the gimmick?'' he inquired. ''No gimmick,'' the woman answered. ''My husband died, and in his will he asked that the car be sold and the money go to his secretary.''... Read More

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