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MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. Looking at the opening screen may recognize the Georgia edition. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note: Recycle Bin is labe... Read More

ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP: Fits one head. ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating. ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron cl... Read More

What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about.... Read More

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Good bar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hoots. It was all I... Read More

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