''Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read.'' -- Computer Museum (Boston) ''Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw.'' -- Computer Museum (Boston) ''If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about ... five minutes.'' -- Anon. ''Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!'' -- Blair Houghton ''The NeXT Computer: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, and the unit sales make it a mainframe.'' -- Anon. ''What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.'' -- Anon. ''Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?'' -- Anon. ''If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.'' -- Robert X Cringely ''A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.'' -- Mitch Ratliff ''The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.'' -- Nathaniel Bornstein ''Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.'' -- Anon. ''Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works great? _|'' -- Anon. ''If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.'' -- Anon. ''Intel has announced its next chip: the Retention.'' -- Anon. ''Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.'' -- Anon. ''Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.'' -- Steve Wozniak ''All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.'' -- Anon. ''Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window.'' -- Anon. ''The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.'' -- Porterfield ''Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.'' -- Jeff Pesis ''The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec.'' -- Marcus Dolengo ''If a train station is where the train stops, what's a workstation...?'' -- Anon. ''The robot is going to lose. Not by much. But when the final score is tallied, flesh and blood is going to beat the damn monster.'' -- Adam Smith ''The computer is a moron.'' -- Peter Drucker ''I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.'' -- Isaac Asimov ''Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code.'' -- Dan Salomon ''It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully.'' -- Doug Vargas ''As soon as we started programming.

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