"My Mother..."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If
You're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just
Finished cleaning in here!"
My mother taught me about RELIGION - "You better pray that will
Come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten
Up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you
Something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your
Mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you "look" at
The dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all
That spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado
Swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled
Because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've
Told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!! !"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this
World, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about EXTREME BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop
Acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less
Fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents
Like you do!"
THANKS, MOM!
